Submitted for the July 2025 prompt: Aliens Among Us

Dear Glenn,

 

Thank you for your prompt rent payments these past four months. I’d like to address a few concerns raised by other tenants — not complaints, exactly, just... observations.

 

First: the glow. While I understand personal bioluminescence may be part of your “circadian shedding cycle,” I kindly ask you to draw the curtains during peak molting hours. Mrs. Dobbins in 3C has been sleepwalking again, and last week she tried to climb into your compost hatch thinking it was a tanning bed.

 

Second: the sounds. The tenants below you report a nightly chorus of what they described as “a whale choir trapped in a fax machine.” I believe you said this was “dinner music”? If volume adjustments are possible, we’d all appreciate it.

 

Third: packages. Building policy prohibits delivery of unstable isotopes, even with Prime. I’m still not sure what “Nutritional Mist #7” is, but it leaked through the mailroom floor and now the lobby ficus has teeth.

 

Lastly: your hover-lift blocked the laundry chute again. I understand you were rescuing what you called “an emotional support larva,” but please remember that vertical takeoff is prohibited indoors.

 

All this said, you’ve been an excellent tenant. Friendly. Quiet (except when you’re singing to your kettle). And frankly, the building hasn’t felt this lively in years.

 

P.S. A unit just opened up on the sixth floor. If any of your “egg-fellows” need housing, we’re flexible on deposits.

 

Sincerely,

 

Marge Weller

Landlord / Noticing Too Much

 

P.P.S. You left your skin in the dryer again. Please collect.