The first of the portals opened in the Castleromart shopping centre branch of Fast Eddie’s on a wet Wednesday afternoon, appearing inside a Cluck Kluck Chicken sandwich.

 

It was Clayton Dundon who discovered it. In an uncharacteristic bit of awareness, the 16-year-old schoolboy had actually looked at his food before ramming it in his gob. This moment of pause was enough for him to notice there was something a bit grey and shimmery where there shouldn’t have been.

 

Peeling back the lightly toasted top bun and assorted salad nonsense layer he found himself looking at a… well, he wasn’t sure what it looked like to be honest, but it shouldn’t have been where it was, whatever it was.

 

His friends, all long skinny limbs, bumfluff moustaches and indistinguishable in their tight-fitting black tracksuit bottoms and zip-up tops clambered over the table to get involved and spout their opinions.

 

Clayton then did what any other teenage boy would do in this situation. Faced with the fascinating and unknown, he pulled out his phone and started filming reaction shots which he immediately posted to social media.

 

Since it was the middle of the day, the only real grown-ups in the place were young parents with small children who were happy just being out of the house, and the odd elderly couple sipping coffees and slurping on mayonnaise dipped chips. What this meant was that there was nobody of responsibility around to tell the boys to grow up when one of them suggested poking at the mystery meat.

 

Clayton, acting like a big now that he was the centre of attention, shoved a forefinger into the strange grey mass and pulled an ‘ewwww’ face. Lewd comments from his buddies quickly turned to disgust, glee and horror, all captured on camera of course, when he went to remove his finger only to find it was gone. Removed from his hand at the exact point where he had stopped his poking.

 

There was no blood, no pain, just screams of shock and stares of disbelief.

 

* * *

 

On the other side of the portal, the trio of Morogonglob scientists stood around, checklists in tentacled hands, giving their equivalent of hi-fives.

 

They were happily surprised to discover that today, on attempt 73, they had finally managed to open a portal to somewhere interesting. The long pink-white thing that had dropped through on their side was confusing, but after a few initial prods to try and figure it out one of the Morogonglobs had bravely, and very self-consciously, proceeded to lick it.

 

“Delicious meat,” read the report that was filed and sent to head office. “Recommendation: Open more portals to this location.”