The rest of my platoon was getting dirty on the Delta Prime front line, the lucky bastards.

 

But not me. Government civilians aren’t allowed on the surface of a planet without military escort, and it was my turn to babysit bureaucrats. My orders were to join the delegation to our newest acquisition, Zorn, generally acknowledged to be the most boring planet in the entire Epsilon sector.

 

At least they let me keep my blaster, even if it was only for show.

 

The first item on the thrilling agenda was a meet and greet. There are no landing pads on the planet so we had arranged to meet the Zornlings just outside of their capital in a field where our shuttle could safely land. Everything went according to plan, and we were ready and waiting in ankle-deep mud at the designed time.

 

The Zornlings were late, but eventually I saw a line of bipeds walking towards us. They weren’t in a hurry, which provided plenty of time to study them as they approached. The verdict was smallish, probably a head shorter than me, standard issue humanoid, and pale green. Just your basic boring nondescript aliens. It was a little disappointing, like everything else about this place.

 

More resources are always needed, but I wasn’t convinced this planet was worth the effort. It probably has minerals or something, but the technology level was low. There was nothing of value here besides raw materials. To be fair, it hadn’t taken much effort to conquer this one. We’d put one mid-sized cruiser in low orbit and got pinged with a request to meet and discuss a surrender.

 

No one knew the Zornlings even had the tech to send comm messages, but it turns out they had a stash of outdated spaceships. I’m not sure if it’s more embarrassing that they used an actual cave for storage or that our probes missed it during initial recon. Our recent scans indicated that the ships were designed for different species and unlikely to be Zorn manufactured, but they had clearly figured out how to use the comms at least. Intel wanted a closer look at the ships and the suits were supposed to ask about them during the negotiations.

 

The Zornlings finally stopped about twenty paces in front of us. Their faces were neutral, and their postures relaxed. I watched them for any sign of a threat, not that I expected one. Captain promised this would be a cushy gig, but I still gripped my blaster tighter.

 

I’d studied the reports to prep for the mission. Zornlings don’t have a word for weapon. They hadn’t even attempted to defend their planet. Frankly, I was embarrassed for them. Although now that I’ve seen them, I could almost understand. Not exactly a fair fight. But what kind of species doesn’t even try to protect their home?

 

The silence was getting awkward when the tallest Zornling finally spoke. My translator kicked in a heartbeat later. “You are here to talk about surrendering?”

 

I’d been told to do the talking until things got complicated so the suits could observe and maintain open comms with their boss. “Yes. We received your message. You want to surrender?”

 

The largest Zorn cocked its head, turning it nearly sideways. He suddenly looked very alien as he studied me with unblinking eyes. “You misunderstand, intruder. We would like you to surrender.”

Definitely not the answer I was expecting.

 

“What?!”

 

“If you surrender your claim to our planet and promise to never return, your people may leave peacefully.”

 

I fought to keep my bearing, but there was no way. Even the suits cracked up. A farmer in stained pants wanted us to surrender? Did he not see the ships in orbit?

 

When the laughter finally died away, I heard a faint melodic humming. Something about it demanded my attention. I looked around, trying to identify the source.

 

It took a moment, but then I saw it. It was the Zornlings. Their necks were visibly vibrating.

 

The humming grew louder. My eyes drifted shut as the sound pushed everything else out of my mind. I barely noticed my blaster slipping out of my fingers.

 

“Take me to your superior.”

 

I opened my eyes. The tallest Zornling was standing in front of me, much closer than before. I stared at him, confused.

 

“Contact your superior. Say that we want to tour your command ship. Ask for us to be picked up as soon as possible. Do it now.”

 

Nodding, I reached for my comm.