“That’s right. I said it. I don’t like you,” said Rupert.

“How could you not like me? You’re a dog!” said the dog’s owner, Newman.

His wife, Beth, swung a damp kitchen towel and smacked him in the arm.

”I told you getting the dog a translator was a bad idea!”

The new A.I. translating collar blinked around Rupert’s golden mane. The retriever grumbled and barked as the translation finished.

”You’re not my original human,” said Rupert.

“Yeah,” said Newman, raising his voice, “because he left you on the street. We picked you up from the pound. You’d probably still be there or be dead if we didn’t find you after he threw you out.”

”I resent that,” said Rupert.

“This is so counterproductive,” said Beth. “We already have three young kids causing chaos around here. The last thing I need is another thing telling me it's not happy.”

Newman cleared his throat, buying a few moments to resist the temptation to direct the argument to his wife instead of their dog.

“You’ve been a part of this family for seven years. And you haven’t liked me this entire time?” asked Newman.

“That’s correct. I don’t like you. And I don’t like the kids.”

Martha went stiff with shock.

“You play with the kids all the time,” she told Rupert.

“They play with me all the time. I just put up with it,” said Rupert.

Martha was stunned into silence.

”So you want to go back to your original owner after all these years? Even though he abandoned you?” asked Newman.

“Yes,” said Rupert.

Newman noticed the dog's tail wagging slightly. Both Newman and Martha stood with their hands on their hips in the kitchen, letting their thoughts fill the silence.

“Why?” asked Martha.

“Loyalty is everything to me. I am loyal to my original owner. And I will remain loyal to him, no matter how terrible he is to me. That is something that you humans cannot understand.”

Newman’s hair began to rise on his arms, fearing the usual onslaught from Martha. Instead, only the hum of the refrigerator filled the silence.

“Martha,” said Newman, “Do you like me?”

Martha turned with a new look of shock.

“Of course I like you. I’m married to you, aren’t I?”

”That’s not an answer. You don’t really show it. I don’t seem to make you happy, do I?”

The familiar question from dozens of arguments triggered Martha to turn beet red with anger.

“Don’t you start this argument all over again. I told you dozens of times. I’m over him,” she said sternly.

“Your damn dog doesn’t seem to be over him, even after seven years of being together. I don’t believe you anymore.”

”She’s not over him,” said Rupert.

“Shut up, Rupert,” Martha snapped.

“What!?” shouted Newman. Martha rushed towards the dog, aiming for the collar. But Rupert quickly ran away. His translator glowed with light as he ran upstairs.

”My owner has come by four times now. I miss him and want to go with him,” said Rupert.

“Shut up, Rupert! Bad dog!”

Rupert's collar went red as he barked and growled at Martha from the top of the stairs.

It was Newman's turn to be stunned into silence.

“He’s lying!” insisted Martha. “He hasn’t been over here. I swear. That stupid dog is just staying that so he can go back.”

Newman slowly turned to his wife, keeping eye contact as he spoke.

“Rupert, how long has this been going on?” he asked.

“Since mom has been coming home after the sun goes down.”

Newman saw a flicker in his wife’s face. Newman’s face turned to a scowl of disbelief.

“You said you were going to the gym,” Newman said to his wife. In her hesitation, Newman didn’t need an A.I. translator to know Martha couldn’t keep a poker face and lie.

“Fine, you win, Rupert,” Newman said. “You can go back to your owner. Take Martha with you.”