D’jaer-E shoved another slab of raw fish into his maw and said, “Look at this, S’ayg-N. Watch her face relax during this part of the holo. She’s really invested in the story.”

 

His partner moved closer to the holo tank to get a better look. “We’re on our lunch break, D’jaer-E. Why are we still watching these things?”

 

“Because it’s fascinating, the way humans react to our work. Our audience back home must love it too because our subscriber numbers have gone through the pressure hull since we came to Earth.”

 

S’ayg-N squinted at the holo and said, “Fast forward to the part where she cries.”

 

“You’re proud of yourself for that one, aren’t you, S’ayg-N? It really is a good piece of work; I’ll give you that. There have been over a hundred reactors making holos of themselves while they watch it. It’s been played nearly ten million times so far.”

 

“Millions and millions,” S’ayg-N murmured as a ripple of joy made its way through his immense body and settled in his mouth where it spread into a smile that stretched nearly around his bulbous head.

 

“Do you ever feel bad that we’re tricking them?” D’jaer-E asked. “I mean, this content we produce for them — it’s not real. Humans aren’t advanced enough to understand the things you make up in your holos.”

 

S’ayg-N replied, “And they’re too advanced to be throwing chairs at each other and screaming about paternity disagreements. If either of us should feel bad, it’s you.

 

“But it’s not the holos we make that matter, is it, D’jaer-E? It’s the reactions to them that are truly genuine. Truly real. Truly… human.”

 

D’jaer-E nodded his upper torso to show agreement. “A fascinating race, aren’t they? Look how this guy starts out like an empty shell. No emotion. No buy-in. He’s all, ‘Look at me.’ Like he knows he’s the reason people are watching this holo.

 

“Then he starts to get into it. Now look. He forgets to speak for a moment — forgets he’s supposed to supply commentary and explain what’s happening. His smile fades. His face relaxes. His eyes get all shiny.”

 

“Reaction holos are the best,” S’ayg-N said. “I could watch them all day and night if I didn’t have to work.

 

“Oh, wow,” S’ayg-N exclaimed as he tapped the selection control. “D’jaer-E, remember that holo you did a couple of years ago? The one with the bride who was having an affair with her pastor husband’s little sister?”

 

“Sure,” said D’jaer-E. “That was a fiction masterpiece if I do say so myself.”

 

“Look at this. It’s a meta-reactor! He’s reacting to all the previous reactors for that holo.”

 

“What?” D’jaer-E exclaimed. “That’s what we do! They should pay us for that.” They both expressed their amusement by snorting through their secondary methane relief orifices while dancing about.

 

A synthetic bell rang to remind the two Morfitropes their lunch break was over.

 

“What are you working on today?” D’jaer-E asked as they began to don their holo equipment.

 

S’ayg-N responded, “It’s a holopod about ‘dark matter’ and how it might cause the universe to collapse in the next ten years.”

 

“Ha!” D’jaer-E snorted. “I can’t believe these morons believe that shit.”

 

“I know, right?” S’ayg-N said. “If they weren’t so darn cute when they react to it, it’d be sad.

 

“So, do you think that guy in your new episode will be the baby’s father this time?” S’ayg-N asked with a wry smile.

 

“I haven’t decided yet,” D’jaer-E replied. “However it turns out, I just hope they’ll be good to themselves, and to others,” he mocked his own sign-off phrase.

 

The Morfitropes once again farted their amusement before settling down to produce more original content: more fodder for human reactors, more secondhand, emotional nourishment for their insatiable home world.

 

Just before he pushed the Record button, D’jaer-E noticed one of the other content producers in the studio packing up his personal belongings and sulking off toward the exit.

 

“What’s with T’uk-R?” he whispered to S’ayg-N.

 

“I heard he accidentally recorded himself telling the humans this is all fake.”

 

“Yikes,” D’jaer-E said. “That could have ruined the whole Earth mission for us. I hope they call him home and give him a firm talking to.”

 

S’ayg-N shrugged it off, saying, “Eh, humans are selectively gullible. They’ll believe almost anything but the truth.”