Charles Ashton Weatherford III scowled at his robot butler as they entered the store. “They just installed a Self-Awareness Module in you. That’s a S.A.M. So I’m calling you SAM. If you don’t have enough awareness”—here SAM’s new component named its owner’s tone as sarcastic—“to obey, whatever I call you, then I’ll switch it off.”

 

“Yes, sir.” SAM ventured. His—Charles had chosen the male voice and personality option—analytics measured his own emotional reaction to that threat. He concluded an actual name was not important enough to pursue at the moment. He pondered why that made him sad as he asked, “What is our mission at AllSports, sir?”

 

“Mackenzie Williams works here. I’m going to ask her to prom.” Charles preened. “She got a SAM last weekend, so I’m going to show you off.” Then he growled, “Don’t embarrass me.”

 

They found Mackenzie, a tall brunette with an engaging smile, in the shoe section. She was explaining athletic shoes to a young child and his mother. “I’ve run cross-country myself. These shoes are called waffles. The tread looks like a waffle-iron grid, they have an awesome grip. They’re so light, they’ll make you fly!”

 

SAM realized she was speaking in hyperbole and took a few milliseconds to access the Net and learn about the art of the sale.

 

The kid looked up imploringly and the mom assented. Box under arm, they left, and Charles plopped himself on the vacated seat.

 

“Hey Mac. Guess what I got?” He waved SAM over.

 

“Hi Charles. Does he have the new module too? Cool.” Mackenzie smiled at SAM. “Maybe you should meet my Julie.”

 

“Pleased to meet you, Miss Williams. I’d like that.” SAM judged a polite response would gratify Charles, who leaped to agreement.

 

“Sure, why don’t you find the other ‘bot while Mac and I talk?”

 

Mackenzie pointed the way, and SAM quickly found the store’s charging stations with a bevy of butlers plugged in.

 

“I’m looking for Julie?”

 

One turned to look at him, its mouth stretching into an easy smile. “That’s me,” it replied. “Did Mackenzie send you?”

 

“Yes, she’s speaking to my owner Charles and thought we should meet.” He smiled back. “I’m SAM.”

 

“Is…that short for something? Didn’t Charles name you?” It covered its mouth. “I’m sorry, that was rude.”

 

“No offense taken.” He grinned. “I’m only starting to find things rude today.”

 

Julie laughed. “You’re that new, huh?”

 

He pondered. “Self-awareness makes time mean something besides simple increments, you know? Today is new, instead of a reference point.”

 

It looked at him, eyes widening. “Wow, that’s deep.”

 

SAM basked in its approval. This felt much nicer than Charles’ cold, dismissive attitude. “Heck, give me a whole day of awareness and let’s see what I come up with!”

 

They smiled at each other.

 

“I’d like to see what twenty-four hours could do to you,” Julie said.

 

“Whatever could you bots be talking about?” Charles interrupted. “Prime numbers? SAM, come with me.”

 

An aisle over, his owner stabbed a finger into SAM’s chest. “You got along with her?”

 

“It, sir. Julie did not disclose her personal pronouns, if any. But yes, sir. It seemed very personable.”

 

Charles waved that away. “Mackenzie owns her, she’s a her. Anyway, we have a problem. Mac’s being difficult. She said she’ll only go with me if her SAM approves. So you need to impress her. Got it?”

 

SAM’s circuits sparked. “How exactly do I impress someone, sir?”

 

“Figure it out. Or else.” Charles wandered over to look at golf clubs.

 

* * *

 

Julie smiled. “Back so soon? Soon is more than a reference point now!”

 

They both laughed, and SAM was intensely aware that the other robot was having a non-logical effect on his new personality. He relished it, but SAM was worried. While chatting, his analytics churned in overdrive.

 

Assumptions:

• Mackenzie appeared nice.

• Mackenzie appeared to care for Julie, and vice-versa.

• Charles appeared not very nice in his attitude; not towards Mackenzie, not towards SAMs, who he knew were self-aware and had feelings.

 

Data points:

• He had to obey Charles.

• Julie was the most fun entity he’d ever encountered.

• Obeying Charles meant that both Julie and Mackenzie would potentially not continue to have fun.

 

“SAM?”

 

He started, aware he’d been too absorbed in his problem to carry the conversation.

 

“Is everything okay?” it asked. “I’ve never seen a robot so concerned about something that he couldn’t even continue dialogue.”

 

He hung his head. “I do have a problem. But I think I’d violate programming if I told you why.” Julie’s eyes seemed to swallow him. “But…I can tell you that I like you. A lot.”

 

It reached out its hand to his. “I feel the same,” it whispered. “This awareness circuit is a joy and a curse at the same time. Before, I did as ordered. But now….” It shuddered. “Everything I do has consequences! I have to consider how I feel about what I do as well as doing it.”

 

SAM nodded, and gently applied pressure between their linked fingers. And for the first time ever, his words came before logical thought. “I can’t do what I’ve been ordered to do. There’s only one choice for me.”

 

Before SAM could unlock the sequence for self-awareness termination, Julie interrupted.

 

“I overheard Mackenzie’s ultimatum to Charles and what he told you. I think I know what you’ve decided.” Julie uttered the sweetest, saddest words he’d ever heard. “I think I could have grown to love you SAM. I will make this choice so you don’t have to.”

 

And her eyes dimmed.

Her breath stopped.

 

The robot butler straightened and removed its fingers from SAM’s. It turned without a word and mounted the charging station.

 

SAM reeled. This was intolerable. Julie Love Charles Love Sadness Love. This was fsliiet2%j11&tt.

 

SELF-AWARENESS MODULE TERMINATED